The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
