and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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