3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If that was your dad, he is hot
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
50% drunk capacity currently
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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