woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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