you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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