That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
