Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
