If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
