I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
