Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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