she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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