I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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