I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
