I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
