It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
