Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This is classic penis vs brain.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
