Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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