cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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