Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
