He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
