shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
