So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
