maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
