Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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