Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
