I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
