Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
