yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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