She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
