sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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