So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
