Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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