remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
