Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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