It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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