I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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