dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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