Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
