I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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