Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
