I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
