I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
