if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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