There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
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she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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