i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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