Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
