the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Terrible idea I love it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
