Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
