it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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