YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
