he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
