Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
