True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
