Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
