Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
