Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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