tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
