So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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