you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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