Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
