My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
