:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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