dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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