I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
