i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
